I went to the grocery store the other night...

I went to the grocery store the other night which seemed to heighten my vision issues. Everything looked so bright and colorful that I felt like I was walking through a kaleidoscope. It started to make me feel not so good and couldn't wait to finish.

It reminded me that life was different for me now. I was different, not just a regular old shopper.

There must be a reason...

There must be a reason that I have survived....My friend just called and was offering her support to be. We started to discuss the myriad of people we know with medical illnesses or have dropped dead of something or other. So, I must be strong, get well and be there to help others.

G-d give me strength to find the balance in my life , to help myself and to help others.

I'm mad , I'm tired of this....

I'm mad, I'm tired of this, could I have Saturday nights off? I am patient, I do appreciate that I can see and walk, BUT, I'm tired of stumbling, walking like I'm drunk, having a hard time seeing the steps, getting through an evening out takes so much effort.

I don't want to be afraid to go to bed because I might have a spin.

I'm just tired of this!

Finally, I get to leave the hospital after 8-9 days

Finally, I get to leave the hospital after 80r9 days. I am nervous about flying home since I still don't feel good and flying is not one of my favorite things to do. For the first time in my life I have to be put on the plane in a wheelchair since I cannot walk! The hospital drugged me up good enough so I was comfortable and didn't mind the flight. Acturally, I thought I was on a space ship and in a garden that smelled so beautiful.

When we arrived in Chicago I went straight to the Rehab Institute of Chicago. I knew I was going there, but it still was quite a shock to me to be there. I didn't quite comprehend what I was going to be doing there or why. Denial is amazing!

When you go to the hospital bring.

When you go to the hospital always bring your favorite pillow and some small pillows to prop you up. Also a blanket that is comfy....

Don't bring personal stuff like pictures because you are going to lose them...

I don't remember much from my hospital days...

I don't remember much from my hospital days-- I dreamt a lot about people in my life both past and present. I dreamt that everyone came to see me and to wish me will during my recovery.

My memories of my 8 or 9 days at the hospital were quite different then the stories my family told me about them. Maybe it was meant to be a blessing. To help to wash away the fear of what I was going through. It was like going down the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland, my days filled with pieces of memories, some real, some not.

My family told me I tried to climb out of bed, and to rip off my IV. I thank them for watching over me. I thank medical technology, my doc, the nurses, my family for saving me.

My next days in the hospital were long....

My next days in the hospital were long. I swear one hour in the hospital is like 3 outside in the real world. I kept asking my daughter if it was time for dinner and she would often tell me it wasn't even lunch time. I dreamt a lot about friends and family which was a wonderful coping mechanism when you are trying to heal from the shock of surgery . It took me quite awhile before I realized that I had trouble walking, that my left eye wouldn't shut , that I now had some bell palsy ish qualities to my face. The doc reassured me that everything would come back to normal.

My first night after surgery...

My first night after surgery was so uncomfortable, but at least I wasn't as dizzy as earlier that day.

I slept restlessly and the only thing that gave me comfort was knowing that Ken was in the room watching over me.

I was told by my family that I tried to get out of my bed and unhook myself for the next days. I believe it is sometimes referred to as ICU shock. Sometimes patients are so OUT OF IT that they try to do some of the things that I was doing.

IT is a good thing I was so drugged and don't remember much from those days. The doc originally told me my recovery would be 4 nights in the hospital--mine was 9 nights and then 8 nights in rehab. I will tell you about that later.

I woke up after surgery to the most frightful...

I woke up after surgery to the most frightful experience in my life. Besides the pain in my neck, if I tried to move at all , it would send me into a terrible spin. I grabbed my poor husband over and over again the minute it would start. I tried desperately to not move at all out of fear of the vertigo spin. I hung onto the bars of the gurnee for dear life and just remained like a deer in the headlights for what seemed like quite a long time. The nurses tried to get my husband to leave me, but he would not leave me in this terrible predicament. I can't even begin to describe how I felt. THe nurses wanted me to sit up to see if I could swallow and I said there was no way I could move that much for even a few seconds. They finally called the doc and he approved that I did not need to sit up, I could be tested by lying down. THankfully my husband wasn't going to be pushed around.

I was the last gurnee to leave the ICU area, just pushing the bed was enough to make me uncomfortable. What a night I had.

I decided to call it the one minute surgery...

I decided to call it the one minute surgery as a coping mechanism.

I had to think of it as just going to sleep and just waking up one minute later.

I was passed the point of the tremendous fear I had yesterday, I knew I was going to do it.

There were no more options and I wanted to be done fearing for my life and wanted to enjoy my life.

I knew the surgery was going to be long, I had an idea of what they were going to do, that was enough info for me.

I know other people like to know every detail of the procedure, NOT ME!!!!