On the subject of death...

On the subject of death we all like to say we are not afraid and that are day will come. But, when you have to face d eath and have surgery that could cause permanent damage it is always a little different. Not so brave. Denial? I can't right now, too much to do , too busy, I gotta raise my kids.

We are all just saying, we really want to live.

Bad things happen to other people, not to us.

Well. That all changed when the first time we had to shake in our own boots.

The answer? We do the best we can. Some answers we will never get.

The answer to me is being loved , being a good person, being remembered.

I think we just really don't get to understand, we just trust that there is some plan for us which is way over our heads no matter what religion you are.

Just be good, be kind, and help to repair this world to the best of your capacity.

So many different kind of spins....

Over the past 7 years I have had so many different spins -some violent, some putting me on the floor, some that were large, long spins, like a carousel ride. Some up and down, some putting me through the wall and right back at me.

So many kinds....

I remember when I was younger and a cousin...

I remember when I was younger and we had a cousin who was in a wheelchair and he was always drooling and had to wear a bib. I never went to visit him or talk to him very much when we were at functions together. I am sorry I didn't do that. You never think things will happen to you and that you one day can be the one they are starting at, or feeling sorry for.

I tried to do some energy work....

I tried to do some energy work which consists of laying down while the physical therapist places her hands on your meridians to reignite the energy in my body. I tried it about 3 times, maybe you need to stick with it longer, but it wasn't for me. I didn't feel anything from it.

I've gone before and got better results, so try it and see if it works for you.

Sometimes I feel like a mini elevator

Sometimes I feel like a mini elevator. Always going up and down, up and down. I suppose that is because I have jumping vision.

Other times I just feel like I am on a constant cruise ship, moving side to side, or up and down.

Believe it or not, you get use to it.

I don't think I would remember what normal is.

When you go for an MRI I suggest...

When you go for an MRI I suggest that you offer to pay cash instead of using your insurance.

My last out of pocket MRI was still $2800 and I have friends who negotiate up front and are paying a lot less.

One thing I have learned from being sick so long, try anything and ask about everything.

Just went to my high school reunion....

Just went to my high school reunion which I almost didnt go to because of my face. My face is mishap-en from the surgery and I wasn't sure I could handle it. I went and had a marvelous time. People were so understanding and the many hugs always help to push you along. I didn't want to be in the class picture so I allowed myself to skip that part. But, I'm glad I went. I am alive and must enjoy whatever I can.

The only disappointing part was I had to leave early both nights and missed out on seeing a long of the people. But, I was there and it warmed my heart....

The most important thing you need to bring to...

The most important thing you must bring to the hospital is your own advocate. To oversee what is going on.

For instance:

1) When I woke up in ICU I had severe vertigo and couldn't move an inch with out swirling off into outer space, squeezing my husband to death and hoping they would give me something to calm down.

When you are waking up from surgery they will not give you anything because they want to make sure all systems are go, so bring someone with you. THey will ask that person to leave, but don't let them. Call your doc, do whatever, but don't be alone.

The nurses wanted me to sit up and I could not. I kept telling them that because of the vertigo and the pain in my neck was so great. They kept insisting so they could do the straw test to make sure you can swallow, but we said to call my doc who said I did not have to sit up, they could do the straw test sitting down.

Also, you must have someone with you the whole time because I tried to get out of bed and unplug myself because I was so drugged. So, it is important to not be alone.