This experience of having a brain bleed....

This experience of having a brain bleed has not exactly been like from here to eternity, it is more like from to hell and back....
I can never,never describe how frightening it is. Nothing is worse than being out of control...
No wonder I always had a fear of being dizzy my whole life since my first spin started as a child... I can still picture it,screaming and knocking pictures off the wall... Fear...

When I think how important vision is I can't stop...

When I think how important vision is I can't help myself and think of the Holocaust.

How my people or any people had to suffer the humiliation of taking their glasses off.

And, this was just one of the humiliations and sufferings of the concentration camps.

I have read extensively about the camps and have seen pictures of piles and piles of glasses.

I appreciate that I live in a free country, that I have glasses and how important glasses are to those of us who cannot see without them.

And I am sad for people who don't have the glasses they need today . I can't imagine trying to manage without my glasses.

I am not disabled, or an invalid....

I am not disabled, or an invalid, or handicapped. I am a Special Limited Edition.

Gosh, whoever came up with these words were not being very kind to people with special needs.

Can't we come up with some new meaningful words?

French Lick, Indiana

When I was in the rehab center in Chicago , they were constantly testing me to see if my brain was on the right radio station. Always asking me my name, telling me a letter and asking me to name a state or city, etc. So, one day I got an F and the therapist couldn't think of anything. So, I said French Lick, Indiana . Boy, was she surprised that I pulled that one out of my hat.

Honestly, I always remember that wacky town's name thanks to Larry Bird. Coincidentally, it is not like I know a lot of basketball players, but I will never forget that Larry is from French Lick, In.

I was finally able to go to a big dinner....

I was finally able to go to a big dinner at the Synagogue in memory of someone I was quite fond of.

I felt like a duckling learning to fall into the pond and learning to swim again. Awkward, unsure.

You know people are wondering what the hell happened to her. Some to uncertain to ask. Some who are just to busy with their lives to want to spend the time to find out.

When I was younger I use to be a big Barbara Streisand fan and one song always sticks in my mind. Nobody knows you when you are down and out. So true for a lot of people. So not true for those special people who never stopped helping me or encouraging me for one second.

Besides, you just get overly sensitive.

I think it is part of the post traumatic stress syndrome. A little paranoid, a new member of a group you hadn't planned on joining, a little bit of the rip van wrinkle syndrome of missing out on a lot of time that you don't know where it went too.

I would recommend to fellow patients to wear...

I would recommend to fellow patients to wear a medical tag so people will know that you need special attending for falls, etc.

Also, if you are driving and pulled over since the police might question why you don't walk so straight without taking one sip of a drink.

This is the first time in 7 years that I was able...

This is the first time in 7 years that I was able to have Passover at my home. Of course, let's not forget I needed a lot of help. When I am working in the kitchen I have to patch one eye to do kitchen work , needless to say I still get tired easily. So, nothing like a little help from the phone book.

The best part for me was to open the drawers and cabinets, take my china out and set the table for the holiday. Warm memories return to me of setting the table with my grandmother and mother.

Hearing the racket in the kitchen, the last minute hurrying to get everything ready on time. And, then the guests arrive and the house is filled with a warm and happy glow of family and friends.

Walking into turbulence...

Walking into turbulence.... Little spins, turning my head, pain in my head, trying to lay down, walking into crowds, going to an exhibit...
Still hoping to be done, but still walking into turbulence....

The rest of my life I plan to do Tikkun Olam...

The rest of my life I plan to do Tikkun Olam , which means to help repair the world from the Hebrew.
I was granted the opportunity to survive brain surgery in the brain stem, the very worst location. I survived due to the invention of the MRI and doctors who spend their lives studying how to perform this surgery. I am really a pioneer woman. Probably one in the first decade to be saved by this surgical procedure.
Now, it is my chance to help others with all the emotional trauma that accompanies going through having this medical condition....

Sometimes I feel so sorry for myself, knowing I

Sometimes I feel so sorry for myself, knowing I will never live like I had lived...
But, when I have my pity parties I always remember to bring a balloon....

I tried my first ballet ....

I tried my first ballet while visiting in New York. My friend's daughter was performing and I was looking forward to seeing it, but anxious about how I would handle it. I closed my eyes as much as possible, trying to just look at my friend's daughter, glimpsing now and then. After the performance as soon as we hit the hallway I knew I was in trouble.
I sat for awhile trying to do my deep breathing, took a pill and tried to Zen. After awhile I was able to go outside and the fresh air was helpful.
After about an hour I was ready to take a cab back to the hotel.
There was no going out to dinner for me.
I stayed to rest while everyone else went out for dinner.
Eventually, I felt better.
Disappointed that I still have to battle with vestibular stimulation...
But, it is my way of life.