Body armour

Body armor helps a lot.

A nervous laugh when I describe it, denial, I'm ok, sarcasm, acerbic at times, make jokes about it,

bargain with G-d (could I have the night off), listen to comedians, I pretend for some people because that is all they want to hear (can't blame them, they are trying to live their lives).

I can't do things I use to do....

I can't do things I use to do...

I am thankful for what I can do, but your memory always wants to go back to the things you could do:

stay awake all day, read, golf, work without a partner, better concentration, not feel dizzy,

not have to plan my day so I won't do too much, any eye issues, wear a patch, talk to a doctor about brain surgery, having permanent damage and fear of more.

I now have a chronic condition that I will have for the rest of my life.

I remember when I would wake up everyday, feel great, not even think that this would happen to me. Who does.

I write these things not to scare you , but to process for myself.

I do embrace my weaknesses. Most of the time.

I do hate it some of the time.

I can't take the heat so I will stay out of the kitchen...

I can't take the heat so I will stay out of the kitchen. I now find that I can't take the humidity anymore on really hot days. I use to think nothing of going to art shows, farmer's markets, summertime festivals. I'm afraid those days are over. I can go for about an hour, must be completely hydrated, hat, sunglasses, etc.

Life is changing.

What my second brain bleed caused...

I now have INO which means Internuclear ophalmoplegia. It is a medical sign indicative of a particular cause of extrocular muscle weakness. It can affect either one or both eyes. It is a disorder of conjugate lateral gaze in which the affected eye shows impariment of adduction. When the partner eye is abducted, it diverges from the affected eye. THis produced horizontal diplopia. That is, if the right eye is affected the patient will "see double" when looking to the left and the images will be side by side. During extreme abduction, compensatory nystagmus can be seen in the partner eye. Convergence is generally preserved.

Daily life issues

Fusion problems, diplopia

Often refocusing my vision

My left eye closes a lot as a defence mechanism

Peripheral vision weak, especially to the left

reading weak, get dizzy, headaches, loss of concentration

Fuzzy vision sometimes

right ear rings

left eye twitters ( I have been twittering way before the rest of you)!

Tired easily from all the extra effort to get through the day

The eyes have it!

My eyes do their own dance and the rest of my body must follow. My eyes do not work in harmony and I also think my eyes and ears aren't quite in harmony either.

So, my eyes do their dance and I must follow and adjust to the way they work.

I am beyond thankful that I have sight, but I must adjust to the dance.

I guess it is like when in Rome...

So, thankyou eyes for working, but it would be nice if weren't always so hard to follow your lead.

After you have an episode....

After you have an episode of spinning, feeling so dizzy, feeling like you are flying through the walls , and your body calms down. It usually takes me at least an hour, just saying it's over, it's over I get what I call internal aftershocks. It felt like an earthquake which is bad enough, and then the internal aftershocks are all those negative thoughts. What if I had fallen down the stairs, what if I were to hit my head on something, what if, what if.

Well, after you have had several of them, you learn to get to that acceptance stage. It's alright. It's over, you survived.

It is amazing what your body and mind can adapt too.