So went to ER room to be sure...

So went to ER room to be sure--I was there for hours, had a cat scan and they told me I had another brain bleed, scared the h out of me and insisted I be transferred to Northwestern which is all the way downtown. At first my husband and I said no, but they scare you to death, so I agreed.

I begged my husband to go home which he finally did.

It was hours before I finally was transferred to downtown.

I will tell you about that in the next post....

Had another episode....

Had another episode--I knew I hadn't been feeling good lately. When I stand up I have to wait someties for the dust to settle, before I can see clearly.

So, I was driving and my vision started to wane, I think it was tunnel vision.

I was dropping a friend off at her doc appt. and it started, I couldn't see the road clearly, but I continued on.

Dropped her off and then made it to where I was going, even though I knew I wasn't ok...

I called a friend who came and got me. I stayed home the rest of the day.

That evening my husband and I went to go get my car because I felt fine.

I was almost home and it happened again.

Ended up in the ER room...

The Chilean miners are my heroes....

The Chilean miners are my heroes... Where does that inner strength come from, to endure what they had to endure. To fear everyday being buried alive.

They are profiles in courage.

I have thought of them so much as I think of my upcoming surgery.

I'm afriad? I'm lucky to have the best docs, the best hospitals and the best love from friends and family a girl could ask for....

Looking for strength to have the surgery...

Looking for strength to have the surgery. I know it is the right decision. If I wait I could blow again, I could cause more damage, I could have memory loss, paralysis, who knows. I know I must do it...

Talked to the Doc again today....

Talked to the Doc today and he explained more about having the surgery. He explained more to me than any other doc had before. The most important thing is to PRESERVE WHAT I HAVE..

There is no telling what the next brain bleed could bring--loss of short term memory, loss of mobility, all kinds of scary shit....

During the surgery he would have a neurologist there to make sure everything is working, they would cool my brain down from 37 to 33 to protect me from injury, use a laser and magnify my brain by microscope up to 50 times.... Use a forceps, patch me up , get some titanium screws, ICU and 4 nights in the hospital. Stay in California for 2 weeks, and come home.

25% initially worse, 20% better. 95% end up the same or better, but should be able to remove the whole cavernous angioma.

That is a brief synopsis, didnt get all the details, but, I think I am getting myself ready....

Sometimes when I think about surgery...

Sometimes when I think about surgery, I picture the movie Dr. Frankenstein and Madeline Kahn singing in the background. I picture her singing, O Sweet Msyteries of Life, I don't know if she really is singing that, but I just picture that. It is so bizaree to think about brain surgery, that I go to humor to help me cope...

O Sweet Mysteries of Life, ain't that for sure!!!!

To Blow or Not to Blow , that is the question...

To blow or not to blow, that is the question...

I have meeting with several docs lately who seem to think it would be a good idea to have the cavernous angioma removed...

It is likely to bleed again and what then?

It has grown since the last bleed so it would be a good time to have it removed.

I have noticed some changes lately, especially when I get up , I often feel like I can't see and have to wait for the dust to settle so I can see again.

I don't want to live like this every day.

I am starting to believe it is surgery time...

Getting a opinions...

Getting opinions from different docs, the word is that I probably should do surgery....

I am going to get several opinions.

Startomg tp wrap my head around the concept.

Before I just thought it would go away, or only thought about it in the abstract.

Time to wrap my head around it...

Today I had spin.

Today I had a spin, just a normal day, but what was different about this one is that I knew it was coming...

I have noticed I have moments when my vision is like looking out the window of a plane when it is turning. Usually I just wait for it to pass and just keep right on going. But today, it started with some heart pouding, tingling and then the fish flopping started. Fish flopping entails what I call just taking off. I reach for things and close my eyes , deep breathe, to calm myself and hopefully stop the flying... It took awhile for it to stop, I know enough not to get up and wait for it to pass It's been about 2-4 hours, it take me awhile to chill from the experience, I stll felt dizzynes, tingling and of course some anxiety

I has happene so much over these past six years, that I know longer go ballistic.

But, it is not what I prefer...

I always worry about it happening when I am out, actually, it has...

I am remembering one day in England...

Having a flashback on a trip to England a few years ago.

we were out walking and I was trying to cope with all the vestibular stimulation , and all of sudden, I needed a taxi and had to rush home.

I had the dry heaves...

Always the party pooper...

So not my style....