JUST MAKE SURE YOU BRING SOMETHINGS TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE SOME OPTIONS. MAYBE ONE OR TWO PICTURES BECAUSE THEY ARE EASY TO LOSE IN THE HOSPITAL. fORGET ABOUT BUYING A NICE NIGHTGOWN, I I NEVER FELT GOOD ENOUGH TO PUT A NICE NIGHTGOWN ON. HOPEFULLY, YOU WILL BRING ONE AND GET TO ENJOY WEARING ONE.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
wHEN YOU GO TO THE HOSPITAL ...
WHEN YOU GO TO THE HOSPITAL BRING YOUR OWN PILLOW, A PROJECT ( i LIKE TO KNIW SO I BROUGHT AN EASY PROJECT I COULD DO AND DIDN'T CARE IF IT CAME OUT OR NOT). I DIDN'T WANT TO WATCH TV OR LISTEN TO MUSIC. JUST COULDN'T DO IT.
Friday, April 15, 2011
I went to a party with a lot of my cousins....
I went to a party with a lot of my cousins and it wasn't easy. I felt tearful, felt like a Martian from outer space, once you have a chronic health problem you know you are different, you don't fit in like before, people look at you different. I have a patch over my eye and my lips aren't even I can't walk straight.
I stick out inside and out....
I've had a headache for 2 days and those....
I've had a headache for 2 days and those awful thoughts start messing with my mind. Why do I have a headache? Was it too much to go to the grocery store and the Target in one day? I guess so and now I get to pay for it.
Friday, April 8, 2011
The most amazing thing about this doc was...
The most amazing thing about this doc was that she really understood all the feelings I was having. Most of the time when you describe vestibular issues and brain surgery peope's attention span is about a minute. I had the sensation with this doc that she stepped right into my body and listened to the complaints my body was having. It was like she addressed them personally and listened to their pain and assured my heart and brain that she was there to help.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I went to the most amazing dr today....
I went to the most amazing dr today--she was a trauma neuro surgeon and I will tell you her story later. But , first, I have to write what she said about me. She had me hold a piece of medal in one hand and tested my other palm with a pen like apparatus. From the testing she reported many things about my body- my body is angry from all the change it has gone through, I had the cavernous angioma removed and my brain is struggling to adapt to all the new changes, ,my brain needs time for all the damaged bridges to repair, I have to learn to methods to work my body and my body has been compensating a life time dealing with doing it wrong, people have to be patient with me while I recover, I sometimes say things that I don't mean to say. I am still in the early stages of healing since my brain surgery was so major, worse than car accident trauma, similar to Congressman Gabi Giffords minus the gun shot. My body needs to learn sensory integration since I am out of whack. It will be awhile before I won't have double vision, better balance, coordianation.
It was like she was talking directly to my heart and my brain and it made me cry. It was like the first time someone talked to my body and said, you've been through a lot and it is time for a little grief therapy. Don't rush. Be patient as you heal.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
While I am recovering from my surgery...
While I am recovering from my surgery, I have been lucky enough to have my daughter home to help me out. Sometimes I call her Mrs. Sullivan and I call myself Ann. I can see with one eye, but it still causes distortion when you look at the world, and it certainly is hard to see peripherally.
Often someone will take my hand when I walk.
It is so weird to not be ok.
I went to dinner tonight and felt....
I went to dinner tonight and felt like a slinky, my body moves around , up and down, over to the sides, whatever. And I am thinking everybody else in the restaurant is not feeling the WEIRD sensations that I am having, they can't even imagine. I am happy for them, but I know my world is different and may be like this forever more.
It kind of reminds me of going down the rabbit hole. I live in a different world, just like Alice in her Wonderland, NIcki lives in a kind of movable, weird, rolling land. At least I don't fly through walls like I use to. That was too freaky for words.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sometimes I feel my body is being pulled...
Sometimes I feel my body is being pulled without my direction. It just feels like you are being pulled and it is scary, uncomfortable. Out of control.
You can be pulled up, down, sideways, just pulled against your wishes.
It is hard to describe out of the ordinary feelings, but they exist.
Believe me.
We all have to grieve for our body as we once new it...
We all have to grieve for our body as we once knew it. We can't help but remember how it use to be and what you use to be able to do.
We are thankful for what we can do, but we wouldn 't be human if we didn't grieve for what our bodies use to do.
When you are depressed try singing,
When you are depressed try singing, listening to comedians, watch a good movie, talk to a friend, think of the things that you can do, think of all the other brave people you know who endured as you are or have in the past...
Or take a break, and don't try.
Be upset, be angry for awhile until it passes...
There are so many things I can't do...
There are so many things I can't do, but there are so many things I can do.
I know I shouldn't complain , but I do think about all the things I can no longer do.
Hard to travel, hard to go for a walk because of problems with my vestibular syster, can't ride a bike, can't do most sports, can't play golf, the list goes on and on.
But, I am here and I can do a lot of things. I have my legs, my arms, my brain, can see with one eye, can swim.
I am greatful, but the mind does wonder back to the old days...
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